What keeps me awake at night

1. Why more states don’t have mail-in ballots. I’m talking to you, Idaho!

2. The green cloud seeping from my older son’s room. I think I hear crys for help underneath a pile of clothes from last year.

3. Kids who bring a debit card machine with them while trick-or-treating.

4. That I lied about my weight on my Idaho license.

5. Why Idaho still allows drivers to use cell phones on the road.

6. Someone might confuse me with Ryan Gosling. He could get his feelings hurt.

7. Why people make fun of Utahns when only I’m allowed to make fun of Utahns.

8. I still can’t whistle very well.

9. My wife might ask me to fix something.

10. What if all the Facebook memes stop? Then what?

11. What if Bigfoot really does exist? Or could be a Brigham Young University-Idaho student who didn’t pass the Honor Code.

12. Who apologizes for the apologists?

13. Are they really LOLing? Or is it just to make me feel good?

14. What if people don’t read this?