1. I still believe in Santa Claus.
2. Santa likes only frosted sugar cookies made special by Mrs. Claus, with no more than a half glass of milk.
3. We look pretty silly camping out for 6 hours outside Target, only to stampede inside, just to be the first to get that discounted Seinfeld DVD before anybody else. I’ve been told, that with enough surgeries, that blind, one-legged nun will recover from her injuries.
4. This is the only time of year when it’s cool to listen to a capella. A friend of mine told me this once.
5. Speaking of Christmas music, Thanksgiving is the first day it can legally be played. Also, anyone possessing a David Spade Christmas album faces possible felony charges. I’m just repeating the truth to help you all out.
6. Forget about all the crazy talk you heard about Mormons, Temple Square in Salt Lake City is the coolest place to be on Christmas. The light displays will blow your mind, the music is heavenly and no pepper spray to be found.
7. “Wonderful Christmas Time” by Paul McCartney easily makes the top 5 for worse Christmas songs of all time. (You’re welcome, Jim!)
8.“A Christmas Story” is obviously the best holiday movie, end of discussion. “Elf” will have to settle for second best.
9. Mom meant well, but I always found her presents without even trying. Next time, don’t use the dirty clothes hamper.
10. You didn’t think I would end a Christmas post without posting this clip, just as gentle hint to why we do this to begin with.